I am speaking to those women out there that do not have kids of their own. For the longest time (in my twenties) I thought I was Ok with not having kids. I was single and never saw myself as needing to have kids; I had a career and barely had time to take care of myself. I was busy coaching, traveling, playing and being me. Then when I turned 30 and married for the first time I REALLY began to think about my life and the relationship that I have with my mother. How wonderful it would be to share things with someone like we do. Thankfully I didn't have a child with my first husband - that would have been a train wreck.
Now that I am with the most wonderful man, the one that was meant for me, I have really felt the desire to have kids of my own. Having a step son who is a teenager and w been raised by other people is fun because he already knows how to clean dishes and mow the lawn and I love him and love having him around on our weekends. He has a heart the size of Texas; he gets that from his Dad and Grandparents. It still is not the same. When he is with us, he is a perfect kid. I know he is still a teenager giving people fits at times.
There have been people in the past that have said that I would be a better teacher, coach if I had kids of my own because I would understand how the parents feel and would better understand my students. How true is that? Who knows.
Here is where I am going with all of this. I would like to know how one goes through middle age and older life not having a child to share their love and life with. My 5 closest friends do not have kids and we never really talk about this issue. One friend decided a long time ago with her husband that they would never have kids. That is an OK decision for them. But I have NEVER totally made that decision. I feel like I am missing out on something BIG in life that has only been because of the circumstances dealt me in life. How does one figure out what to do with the reality that there is no one to share my past, future, and family history with? I have so much love that I would like to share with a child. Now I am too old to even think about having a child that it would be foolish to even think about it. Who wants to have parents that are almost 60 at graduation? It may be God's plan but I am not liking it right now. So if you are a praying person please pray that I have peace with what ever life gives me and be joyous in it. God does not give us anything we can not handle!!
Does God know better than I do and have a plan for me that I haven't figured out yet?
WHA???
10 years ago
3 comments:
I say get after it and have a kid or two!!!!!!!!!!!
you are precious--and would be a GREAT mom!! my mom will not mind me telling you that she was 36 when sarah was born and 38 when my baby sister emily was born! she was and still is extremely active and has never missed a beat with any of us!!! you are by no way 'too old!' whatever God's plan for you, i know you will embrace it! i pray that you get some answers to your questions soon! and hope those answers include your very own little bundle of joy in your not-too-distant future!! :)
I'm so tired, I don't want to risk getting really emotional on here, so I will just say that I will pray with FERVENCE for the peace God has given me in my quest to be a mother. Remember Hannah? She wanted SO badly to be a mother and got to the point where she wouldn't eat and cried all day long because of it. She lost hope but continued to pray to God to stop her heartache, even as others including priests, thought she was drunk because she was so upset. But in HIS time, He blessed her with a child, Samuel. I love this TRUE story of faith, hope, despair, and most of all peace. Please know that although our situations aren't exactly the same, I have been exactly where you are, feeling the same things you are...desperation, hopelessness, depression, like you've been jipped out of what should be a right as a woman (to be a mother). You would be a GREAT mother! And I agree with AKP, you are most definitely NOT too old to have a child! Many, many women have children MUCH later in life than you are! Praying for a baby Harris and baby Jenkins!
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